George Washington's Wooden Teeth Feature Strongly

15 Sept.
This past weekend there was a life skills day camp for 20 high schoolers which I had little to no part in helping, except for organizing food. Anyway I sat in on a session. It was agree/disagree scenarios and one of them caused particular strife for me. It was “a woman who carries a condom in her purse/pocket is ‘easy’” we (the PCVs) had just started to convince the kids that it was ok because she is looking out for her personal interests because of the ‘provider’ class (people aged 18-50, anyone able to work and provide for their family) 50% are HIV positive. ONE OUT OF TWO, holy hell. Anyway these bitch mediators from Catholic Relief Services went off about how condoms are bad, abstinence is the only solution, and even had the kids do an abstinence chant. These people are annihilating themselves and it’s hypocritical women like these that are making the problem so.much.worse. These kids are so lost and confused, half the people are telling them condoms are bad, and the other half are handing them out like candy.
It makes me feel so angry and hopeless! I like to pretend I’m doing some amount of work in the positive direction while I’m here, but instances like these make me re-realize that nothing I’m doing here will stick without local support, which is dubious at best. It’s exhausting and depressing and I’m tired and my spirit’s broken, so I’m quietly, guiltily sneaking back to my cushy carpeted insulated house complete with refrigerator and amenities, etc. in America.
Everyone (almost) that I’ve met here thinks that because I’m foreign/white/etc., I have some magical ability (in the form of money, candy, or other) to make their lives ok. I obviously do not possess this trait and so everyone around me is constantly/consistently disappointed in me, no matter what I accomplish, which admittedly hasn’t been a lot. After 2 YEARS of working on simple skills (adding and subtracting whole numbers), my students still don’t know it. I can’t get through to them; they will not/ cannot conceptualize anything. If it isn’t memorizable, they won’t ‘learn’ it. The weight of this has also contributed to the Breaking of Rebecca’s Spirit.
I came here so smug, thinking ‘I don’t expect to change or ‘help’ anything here anymore than I do by teaching in America, so therefore I can’t be disappointed when the inevitable happens and I do not, in fact, do much. But then I got here and this became my home and it’s dying. Not slowly or metaphorically but this country is in fact collapsing at an incredible rate and how can anyone sit back and watch this happen? I want so badly for this place to be at least OK, at least still in existence after 2040. I have this optimism and hope all inside me that won’t go away no matter how much I try to be logical and look at things realistically. And I want to believe even me, just as one person, can do something besides tell my students about George Washington’s wooden teeth for hours on end. People helping people. Maybe some student that actually listened to more of what I said than my nonsensical stories will go on to make a change, to do something good.

Things I’m Not Into, Lately
1. Shingles
2. Multiple food babies at one time from going for seconds/thirds at the boofay
3. Glitter in my eyeball
4. My students getting hard-ons when I’m trying to explain ‘combining like terms’ to them
5. The new science teacher doesn’t go to class, so the kids all complain to me.
6. I’ve had a cough/sore throat for 6 weeks
7. Listening to that R. Kelly ‘Believe’ song on repeat for 6 HOURS in the staff room because that’s all a coworker has on his cell phone, and Basotho seem to be immune to getting tired of repetition, song-wise
8. Flying rocks/debris hitting me when I walk home through the almost constant windstorms
9. Wearing a skirt without tights in windy weather around my students


Things I’m Into, Lately
1. My ‘me lent me some sheets! No more bare mattress
2. Tuna pasta
3. Carrot burgers
4. My close-of-service date was approved! Nov. 2: outta here
5. I’m getting cash in lieu of a plane ticket home and Peace Corps only uses American carriers, so if I buy my own ticket I save about 800USD! Cape Town, here I come!
6. My teaching experience here qualifies me for a teaching credential in California
7. Cutting my hair. I really want it to grow out, but whenever I’m bored in my hut I can’t help grabbing some scissors
8. Cuddling with the three remaining puppies, the professor, and parker
9. I ate insane amounts of cheese from the boofay
10. I finally made a playlist of all my very favourite songs, it makes me so happy! Every song is amazing, one after another!
11. Any movie featuring Robert Downey Jr. - I love him
12. “Imagination grill cheeses”- I butter and grill bread, and when I eat it I pretend there’s melty delicious cheese on it
13. Shouting punk rock lyrics/ the Lesotho national anthem into the wind when I walk home
14. Wearing sleeves, shades, and a scarf over my head/face (because of the wind) and a) pretending I’m riding in a convertible or b) seeing if people think I’m an albino and therefore leave me alone
15. Doing tai-chi with my overstressed students to calm/centre them

Future Vacation Highlights
1. Highest (commercial) bungee jump in the world! 710 feet, I’MA DO IT
2. Ghetto wine tour (includes sneaking into the backyard of a vineyard to drink wine from the bottle)
3. Dancing like a Fly Girl circa 1992
4. Hot Stone Massage
5. Buying fun boots and pretty dresses
6. Eating weird bush animals from MamaAfrica in Cape Town
7. Plundering the touristy craft stalls for local art
8. Gawking into N. Mandela’s former jail cell
9. Getting myself on a one-way San Diego bound plane