There Are So Many White People Here

I've been informed that i should be keeping my potential readers abreast of my current activities.

I"M IN AMERICA!!!!!!!!
my tummy hurts and i want to purchase everything i see.

my cell for while i'm here is 760 908 9976, i realize i'm not supposed to just post my phone number online, because that paves the way for stalkers and telemarketers, but since i'm in a crazy mood i'm just doin it.

At any rate, give me a call!

Public Transport, How I Love Thee

i almost missed the bus because i was dilly dallying around my hut, i had a premonition that i wasn't meant to ride that claptrap bus. I had a potential ride later in the day, but victoria convinced me to take the bus to make sure i get to the capital for thanksgiving, and not spend it alone in my hut.
So anyways I had to run up a mountain with my huge backpack to flag the bus down on the street, luckily i got one of the last seats, next to an obese but friendly and nice smelling 'me. Then the bus went and sat around outside someone's house for like an hour while the driver did god knows what. Then we finally got on the road, and were hauling ass when i hear a big thumpy squelchy noise. I figure it was nothing because we kept going, but then the driver stopped and reversed back to the scene of the squelch, and apparently we had run over a donkey! it was all in a pile on the road with it's donkey friend sniffing it. The driver then had a shouting match out the door with the donkey owner, they were going too fast for me to follow what they were saying, and then we vroomed off.

Then we picked up a bunch more passengers and i ended up with a smelly blanket man standing in the aisle next to me, leaning over my seat with his icky blanket all up in my face. ugh. so i took a sleepy pill and passed out for an hour or so, and woke up to a different man sitting next to me in the aisle vomiting into his bucket hat, and swaying his head so it kept almost bumping my thigh. I tried to shrink away but the lady on my other side was taking up both her seat and part of mine, so i curled around and kind of side-spooned this random lady trying to keep vomit man away from me. Luckily Basotho are used to excessive physical contact with strangers so she didn't seem to mind me cuddling with her. Someone gave vomit man a plastic bag to put his vomit hat in, which he then left UNDER MY SEAT, and exited the bus. I was wearing flip flops and couldn't put my feet down on the floor for the next 3 hours because vomit juice was leaking out of the bag all over the floor beneath me. At least people opened the windows for once, so it didn't smell too bad. Or maybe i'm just so used to bad smells in general this didn't bother me too much.

Then I got to town, went to Colleens, showered for a year, and had some amazing thanksgiving feastiness! And then went swimming in a pool! I drank too much beer though.

The End.

Chairman Mao has been haunting my dreams

4 Nov

So we have to fill out these trimester report forms every few months, which consists of a sheaf of papers asking us to quantify exactly how many people we've helped and in what way. the numbers all get compiled and sent to washington d.c. where peace corps can be like "ok, exactly 4,000 15-24 year olds were told to use condoms. We need that number to be 6,000 by 2011" or something. At any rate for my 1st trimester report i had all sorts of stuff to write down with teaching, science kit workshops, childrens' health day, debates, etc. and felt good about my service here. For the one i just filled out, i had NOTHING to write, other than teaching. It was pathetic! ugh, I apparently lost all vigor after winter break. Then i remembered: oh, yeah! I'm at school for an ungodly number of hours every day with double shifting. Also, all sports, clubs and debates were cancelled for the forseeable future because there's no actual after/before school time in which to do these. There's only 2 weeks of classes left, then exams, then home! Then i'll be back all refreshed and excited to get shit done next year. Also new ED volunteers arrive 14 nov and i'm helping with training! I get to do a session on the use of visual aids, nutrition, and something else i think. also i get to mooch free lunch!

I was walking home with my coworker yesterday and after spending 20 minutes telling her i will not get her a job in USA, nor will i just pass her CV around, but she's welcome to visit me and do that herself anytime. Then she told me if/when she visits america she doesn't want to go where a lot of black people are because they're crooks. I then gently pointed out that she was black. THen i thought about it, and the only example Basotho have seen of blacks and whites coexisting (if they've seen any) is South Africa. So high density black areas are mostly all in teh townships wehre people are dirt poor and so of course there's crime. She's convinced white people don't mug/carjack/hold up people. I tried to tell her, "yeah we (as in whiteys) do that too" but like most things i try to tell anybody here, she didn't listen/ doesn't believe me. It's just all so uphill trying to tell anybody something they don't already know/suspect. It's also ridiculously difficult to convince people that Lesotho and S. Africa are not the only countries with HIV/AIDS epidemics and that (gasp) we even have it in America, the land of sunshine and lollipops!

In other news, I almost got mauled by a dog the size of a large wheelbarrow yesterday. I've been walking past that motherfudger at least twice a day for almost a year now and yesterday it decides to attack me! I had to sprint for a large pile of rocks to grab one and threaten to crush in the hellbeast's skull with and it shied away at the last moment but kept barking and growling just out of reach and i had to walk slowly and calmly away. Then when i got home my knees almost collapsed i was so freaked out. The dogs here do not mess around when attacking. Stupid dog, now i'm afraid to use that shortcut to school anymore. I'm considering getting a molamu (herdboy stick) to carry with me so i can smack it if it tries to consume me again.

Speaking of near death experiences, weekend before last I was in the capital and some friends and i decided to find a park to hang out in for the afternoon. We heard about one over by the taxi rink (a hellhole of disgust with really good deals on jewelry/pirated dvds etc.) so we go, and the entrance is kind of down a hill off the road, through a gate guarded by children (our first tip-off) then we entered this parallel universe of rolling hills and bit trees and slides and swings that was completely run by children. It was like Lord of the Flies. As soon as we entered (not only the only whiteys but also the only people over 15 years old) I noticed all the kids cock their heads toward us, like they were sniffing the air, sizing us up. We decided to be brave and continue and chose a corner at the back of the park to sit. As soon as we sat down we noticed all the kids sloowwly migrating over to the slides closest to us. Then finally their leader approached, a scrappy little boy, probably around 13 years old, and asked us for beer or sweets. As soon as he came up 20 other kids rushed over, then 30 more, so we were COMPLETELY surrounded and I kept thinking of this Joyce Carol Oates short story i read where this woman goes on a hike in a nature preserve and 15 small children attack and maul/rob/de-clothe her. So Vicki and I grab sticks and threatened to beat them (a normal occurrance here, i threaten small children almost daily) and we tried to tell them that we have no sweets and they're too young for beer and blah blah. They all stood just out of stick range and stared at us (people here, children and adults, have an amazing ability to/interest in staring at us while we go through normal daily routines, I've gotten used to being a monkey in their zoo) So finally two basotho friends who were meeting up with us arrived and helped extricate us from the mob. The children then followed us across the park, insisting that we wouldn't be able to get rid of them, and they were going to follow us around forever. Luckily they stopped at the gate and just stared after us like hungry souls (who also enjoy yelling obscenities)

So I had a dream the other night that I named my dog "Hooked on Phonics" and that I called her "Phonics" for short. Since I always follow my dreams, I've officially renamed Spots/Spads/Professor Picklesworth. I now dub her phonics.


12 Nov
So the "bell system" at my school consists fo a form B student with a watch and a hand bell. This means we're all at the mercy of a student to decide when classes change. I like to get in fights (jokingly) with the bell boy, telling him he's late, or early. He always responds with something like "the times are not similar, madam" and i say, "yeah because you're WRONG" but he's a pretty stand up kid, though. always stands strong and doesn't let me phase him . He does lengthen periods if he's into what we're learning/isn't done done with the classwork, and he shortens boring periods. Today he's m-f-ing 20 minutes late though! The classes are only 40 minutes long to begin with. Argh. Luckily I'm done with the syllabus and am only doing review games so it's ok to miss a class.

I'm a Cardboard Cutout!

the other maths teacher, N. Moalosi
'Me Tebello, geography prof

I am the braai master (with a school shirt!)

quick! where's waldo?

N. Moshoeshoe (named after the first king! I'm not sure if he's a decendant or not...)

Me with Ntate Letsatsi (lit. trans. Mr Sunshine)

Me with Ntate Chelete (lit: Mr. Money)

My students. They're being "badass niggers", and yes, they learn these words from American rap songs.

My school!

Into the Wilds

hiking trip photos:

the chief of Ha Jobo, (he's sitting outside his kitchen hut, where we slept) (m-fing kitchen huts smell like smoky bullshit and now my sleeping bag is forever tainted because the basotho never developed chimney technology)After getting minorly lost and hiking for about 10 - 10 1/2 hours, we were left on the precipice at the very very top of the mountain in the background, by that V where the two mountains come together, and had to hike to where this pic is taken. i thought i might die with jelly legs of doom

I am full of spunk and verve, not at all list-less

Things I'm Into, Lately

1. bananas
2. handkerchiefs (both for wearing and nose blowing, though not simultaneously)
3. thunderstorms
4. sobriety
5. spinning around in circles
6. random text message capitalizations
7. how felicity is a badly dressed obsessive freak, ben is an egotist, noel is alright but makes me nervous just watching him, and julie has questionable taste in hair clips
8. throwing things at my students, especially if they're sleeping/not paying attention. or if kids outside are loud i'll throw things out the window.
9. Metric, and Arrah and the Ferns
10. Racetrack from the major motion picture "Newsies"
11. cheese
12. the grocery store had green beans, potatoes, AND eggs on monday!
13. reading my kids penpal letters. my favorite quote: "in my country witches ride on dwarves it looks like a small baby but it kills people at night".
14. Hearing that people (besides my parents) are still reading this silly blag
15. FAILblog (or at least i'm into this when i have internet)
16. banana-coconut-mixed dried berry-snocap-cinnamon pancakes
17. homemade samosas
18. thinking about visiting Japan
19. making "mix tapes" on my ipod

Things I've Received Recently

1. A free school tshirt
2. commendations on my braai (bbq) skillz after i grilled steaks for 4 hours at a school picnic
3. a tummy ache from eating steak for 4 hours straight at said school picnic
4. multiple compliments on how fat (and therefore happy) i am
5. Protection from bo-ntate (men) given by my faithful pint sized runt, The Professor
6. Extreme soreness in my feet areas from hiking for 11 hours in one day
7. the satisfaction of knowing i hiked through 3 districts in 2 days
8. ~20 bedbug bites (luckily not from my bed)
9. enhancements on my wicked farmer tan
10. a 'scotch whiskey and habanero chili' dark chocolate bar from Munich
11. major welts on my legs from walking home in a horrific hail storm, i still have the bruises!

Things I Have Not Received Recently

1. mail
2. marriage proposals
3. inspiration
4. will power
5. peaches (it snowed on the blossoms so the whole peach season is f*ed!)
6. the satisfaction of a completed NY times crossword puzzle
7. giardia from drinking semi-stagnant river water
8. a lightning bolt of language comprehension
9. a literal lightning bolt to the dome from these crazy storms

Things I'm NOT Into, Lately

1. wind
2. random creepy bored TTI guys that follow me home
3. I have to pay M50 for that stupid non-free school shirt
4. my clothes smell like beef and charcoal
5. i seem to be unable to get a balloon or a plastic bag to stick to the wall to demo electrostatic force
6. the tp being blown out of/down my latrine
7. sexual frustration
8. freaking typhoons that cause me to be stuck at school til 5:30 pm, and then drowning me when i make a run for it.

Accomplishments

1. Shaved my legs for the first time in almost a year, it's INCREDIBLE! I feel so streamlined, like a porpoise, but with a lower body mass index
2. teaching my kids more 90s slang, telling them this is how we talk in America. (examples: radical, tubular, eat my shorts, don't have a cow) So I now have a hoard of retarded bart simpson/bill and ted types running around
3. I've turned myself into a one-woman photo-op. I told the kids i'd get pictures printed in Maseru for them so everyone and their mother now wants pictures, a lot of them with me.
4. I moved my nightstand from the right side of my bed to the left. (it's like i have a whole new hut!)

FINAL HOME DATES

AMERRIICAAAAAA, oh i can't wait to eat your food.

I arrive in san diego 5 december, and leave san diego 30 december

i'll be in the Berkeley/San Fran area 13 Dec-21 Dec

PLEASE hang out with me!

Found Poetry

• God almighty saved our little sally because god heard their prayer it can work miracles sally grew up to be a nanny

• Oh! what ails me?

what?
listen: i will raise my hands up. I will kneel down until i feel pain

• always life seems easier to people who concentrate on education sometimes life seems tough and sky becomes duck to people who are vexatious

• 1. grocery

2. clothing
3. BELIEFS NEEDS
4. INSURANCE
5. AGRICULTURE
6. MAINTENANCE
7.

• cold blood means the animal that live in water and freeze to death every time
  

SLackers

Hey! Back again! My school is mildly killing my soul so i keep escaping. This next week is just exams anyway and the more i avoid invigilation duties, the better. especially since i suck at it, because you see the kids looking at each other's papers, and the other teachers just whack 'em with a big stick, but i still can't bring myself to get medievil on their asses. and also i really don't want to take their tests and give them zeros because the exam is their only grade, we're not allowed to include assignments or class participation or anything into the grade, and these poor kids' families are going hungry to pay their school fees, and then to f-them over by giving them a zero? i can't! ugh so i'm just ineffective to the extreme. and also this is all me rationalizing the fact that i'm missing a week of school in order to bum around the capital and go to all these random parties happening.

A lot of volunteers hate coming to Maseru because it's all big (by our standards- there are about 500,000 people here) and busy and smelly and kind of overwhelming but once you get past all of that it becomes the land of electric lights, avoiding work, couches, vegetables, cheese, the internet, and movies! I love doing nothing and seeing other volunteers and hanging out and staying up after dark and trying to remember what on earth i used to do online all day long, and eating pizza and all sorts of wondrous activities.

When here i exist almost solely on vegetables, cheese, and whiskey. it's beautiful (but expensive) I'll be here until this coming weekend so i'll be able to respond promptly to emails, etc. My official reason for staying is that i need to compile/edit the rogue newsletter i've become the editor of. This issue i'm trying to make electronic so i can save on photocopy/stampage fees but i need to locate a scanner... if it does become electronic i may be able to upload it to the 'net so it's possible you all can see, and marvel at the fact that you don't understand a word of it becasue it's all so lesotho-centric! hoo-rah!

The Windy City

31 August

There have been gale-force winds, day and night for a few weeks now but they haven't managed to blow in any clouds. we need rain so badly, but every day it's all frickin cloudless and sunny. i miss the rain so much! ahh ptown. anyway the wind makes going outside miserable, since it's so dry these huge dust clouds come up and roam the town, making it hard to see (i'm considering investing in goggles) and blowing dirt into my eyes ears nose mouth clothes house EVERYTHING. it's all full of a layer of grit. I can't wait for winter to be over! the peach trees have started to blossom, and it's so perty.

1 Sept

While i love my mud hut for its insulative properties, problems arise when things like modern windows and doors are installed. The dry mud crumbles away from the metal frame so i have HUGE gaps around my window and door, and mud chunks are always falling off onto my floor. This is all fine and breezy in the summer, but in winter, especially with these tornadic winds about it becomes very lame. Last night i duct taped my window closed and around the cracks, and along all the edges and f-ing snow was still somehow blowing into my house. grr. my bed's right next to the window too so i had to make a little cave in my mounds of blankets to keep from freezing to death.

Victoria's Pictures

since you all love me and want to see my face, here are some pics from vic's camera that i'm actually in! (i realize i'm not really in any of my own pics)

from the desert to the ocean, quadbike style


where i belong
tai chi at dune 45

i likes me some sand
action! that's me landing on my head

rolling is hard work

cave dwelling, with strong ankles
i wanna poke it

Pup tents

small children in blankets! at the cultural festival
these toy cars the little boys make out of wire and old tin cans. they're super cool
ahh the professor
dinosaur bone ceiling. and yes that is a light bulb, it is there to mock me
town

20 August

we got a new puppy! My abuti named this one Spots after our previous puppy, Spots, who was stoned to death in january (Neither dog has/had spots, btw). I had previously named this puppy Professor Picklesworth, so i guess we'll just have to let the dog decide which name it prefers. It's super cute and amazing and i have reaffirmed that dogs are WAAY better than cats, especially whiny cats named parkinsons who may or may not have given me fleas.

the professor and I

school is going well, it's really tiring, but good, and i love my students incredibly (in a completely appropriate platonic sort of way) and we have 6 new teachers this semester who are all really nice. 4 are student teachers so they're all young and hip and stuff. and my two favorite teachers are Ntate Chelete (transl: Mr. Money) and Ntate Letsatsi (Mr. Sunshine). The Basotho have great names, sometimes.

It's almost springtime so i can plant my garden soon (Thanks, uncle jim!) and then i will have more than onions, carrots, and cabbage, vegetable-wise.

I missed all of last week of school because i am a derelict (I know, inappropriate word usage, but i like the way it sounds). I went down to the capital for a meeting with staff (I represent my district in the volunteer union, of sorts) then stayed for a workshop put on by an organization called "Men as Partners" which, though it sounds gay-rights centered, is really gender-equality centered. it's a movement to try to get men involved in womens' empowerment in southern africa, to get them to understand why women should be empowered and support their mothers/sisters/wives/girlfriends/etc. It was a great workshop, but very adult specific, so i'm trying to come up with a way to adapt the activities for primary/high school aged people. I think instituting the mindset of "women are just as good as men and should have the same rights" will be a lot more successful with the younger crowd, who're less set in their ways.

Also, i'm no longer in the newest group of volunteers! (groups come every 6 months, with education (Ed) vols arriving in nov. and community health and economic development (CHED) vols coming in june) so it's kind of like high school with a 4-group hierarchy and the new CHEDS were sworn in, which makes me like a sophmore! woo! i really want to help out with the training of the new ED volunteers when they come in Nov, but i won't get a choice in the matter, my boss said he just chooses the vols he thinks are "responsible, professional, etc" and while i am responsible, i'm not the most professional gal around, i still need to work on the whole think-before-i-speak thing, and to filter out inappropriate comments. So really I don't know if he'll let me help. I'll just have to wait and see.

So there have been multiple taxi strikes since i've been here because the cost of a taxi-bus license was raised from M200 to M1000. This is the government trying to raise money to buy busses to help regulate/expand the transportation system here. and we just got TWO BRAND NEW BUSSES! in the Thaba-Tseka-Maseru line! So now if i want i can ride in a bus that's not from 1970 that breaks down/explodes every other trip! Hoorah progress! Also the paving of the road is going well so my trip is about an hour shorter and 5000 times safer than it used to be. TT is entering the 21st century, slowly but surely. Next thing you know we might have INTERNET! probably not during my tenure here, though.

24 August

So when deciding to enter the peace corps, i readied myself (ish) for being away from home for 2 years. It's part of the whole deal, and i did/have still accepted that, except my dear mom and dad love me! and so they have offered to fly me home for christmas! holy crap! i told them that i'd think about it because my initial reaction is, No! I'm here for 2 years stick it out YOU CAN DO IT. also the culture shock of going home then leaving it again seems like it might be a bit too much. But i can't stop thinking about it, and i'm already super super excited! So i'm going to look for plane tickets, and hopefully i can find some that aren't too expensive. anyone that'll be in the san diego area in december, GET READY! it'll be super awesome! woo! i'll probably have to lie to my coworkers about it though because they'll ask me to buy them all sorts of things. they still think i'm rich.

Sometimes i make my teeth shine with List-erine

and my sneakers gave me an unfortunate b-list-er on my heel. lame.

Things I do When I'm Bored
1. Make lists
2. Do crosswords
3. Make crosswords for friends
4. Sit by the coal stove in the staff room with my coworkers
5. Draw pictures
6. Make comics
7. Play "if you had one day in USA, what would you..." [eat, drink, do, etc.]
8. Think about dating celebrities (Shia LeBeouf and the singer of Snow Patrol are some odd recurring ones)
9. Make up scenarios for where i'll live/what i'll do/ awesome guys i'll meet upon my return to the states
10. Try not to flirt with my coworkers
11. Not study sesotho
12. Read old science textbooks (the ones donated by christian schools are weeirrd)
13. Read other random books (right now i'm trying to battle my way through Clavell's Shogun)
14. Play with spots II/Professor Picklesworth
15. Harass Parkinsons (and no the alliteration in pet names was not intended)
16. Shadow dance with myself (candle light makes for good shadows)
17. Think of interesting food combinations
18. Clean my hut
19. Try not to bake tasty things
20. Attempt to do the splits
21. Call Victoria on the walkie-talkie
22. Dance like a Mosotho man (involves a lot of pelvic thrusts)
23. Practice juggling (if i have enough similar sized fruit)
24. Memorize the words to cheesy pop songs
25. Stare at my dinosaur bone ceiling
26. Think deep mature thoughts and reflect on my life and grow as a person
27. Draw "cave paintings" on my latrine walls with a brown crayon
28. Lie as still as possible for as long as possible and see if i lose substance


Things That Increase My Heart Rate
1. Almost getting impaled by a mad cow
2. Cheese
3. Madeline Cozad
4. Thoughts of the weekend
5. Blasting Avril, Britney, or happy hardcore in the morning to get myself out of bed
6. Doing sit ups in the neverending Battle Against the Fetus
7. Completely finishing a crossword with no cheating
8. Hugs
9. Hiking to/from school (especially if i need to pee and am rushing)
10. Jumping Jacks
11. Thinking about kisses
12. The phone ringing
13. My students saying "Yes, we understand" and meaning it
14. Thinking about GOING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!

Things That Make Me Sad and/or Annoyed
1. Today is friday. I last bathed on monday
2. Fleas
3. Hearing an anonymous student call me "'Me Lekhooa" and not knowing what to do about it
4. Not everyone is as excited by the periodic table as I am
5. Apparently the teachers at my school are going to have to wear uniforms, too. I'm confused as to how this will work
6. Random smelly herdboys coming to my house and asking me to give and/or buy them a sheep
7. Gross smelly obnoxious herdboys on the bus who dance over me with their yucky old blankets draping so I can't lean back in my seat for the ENTIRE 6 hour bus ride. (and also having everyone else on the bus laugh at me, like haha white girl getting harassed by herdboys. jerks.)
8. Realizing i need to pee half hour into a 6 hour bus ride
9. My fetus is unchanged by the 100-150 situps i'm doing each day
10. Wondering if my sister is sick all the time because she has aids, or if her immune system just sucks.
11. wind
12. wind in a dusty country

Things I Know Now But Didn't Before
1. Springbok is the tastiest meat evar
2. The difference between rabbits and hares
3. The 5 characteristics of minerals
4. Inappropriate and funny are not always the same thing
5. Chocolate oatmeal rocks my socks off
6. L.A., Cleveland, and Queens are all right near each other
7. Shredding carrots can sometimes be dangerous
8. RIP Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes
9. The movie "Friday" is a lot funnier if you pretend it was filmed in Lesotho
10. Including words like "speculum" and "catheter" in my cursing/insults is fun
11. The sesotho word "noka" can, depending on vocal inflection/context mean "river", "to salt something", or "thigh", and this is potentially confusing
12. Britney, you go girl. I fully support and eagerly anticipate your grand comeback

Pict-ing

birthday papa! (my 'Me made me wheat papa.... mmmmmm)
the etosha pan is this miles-wide area of crazy jello-like mud that's too deep to walk in vic did a mudmask, i did warpaint, then we realized our faces were burning. i think that was the feeling of clean pores.

more ice cream! and balloons!
it's a reality. VIGILANCE!
a meteorite actually did fall, then we basked upon it
giraffes are not eaten because they are animals that are tall enough to talk to the gods, and to let you know if it'll rain soon. (ahh the age-old joke of "how's the weather up there?!")

zebras, as a species, are bad tempered because they have chronic bad gas (their stomachs can't fully digest their main food source) i ate them. they were not tasty. they can, however, have body temperatures of up to 45 degrees but their brains won't fry because of a network of veins across the skull, cooling the blood/their heads.
the hunnybadgers are hunngry
demons of the speed persuasion

'ell if rhi know!
wildebeest, and springbok i think
no caption necessary

becoming a part of the landscape

plummeting to their deaths
trench warfare
photo-ops in the one-horse town of Solitaire
african sunrise....

to sunset

trials and tribulations in the tumultuous dunes
quick, look like you're inside computer desktop picture yeah, we went there.

ice cream and alcohol! go indulgence!

social weaverbird nest, they get HUGE! until the tree falls down, a lot of the time. they also do this to powerline poles, which is funny looking.