Hey, this will be the last post for god knows how long, I leave on thurs or Friday to my site in thaba tseka, where it’s costs my left breast to use the internet for half an hour. I will still write snail mail, so if I don’t already have your address, email it to me and I’ll draw you semi-retarded cartoon depictions of my life.
I successfully spent my first few nights alone in a roundavel, we had a 4 day site visit. My family there is amazing, my new ‘me is totally cool and badass, and I really like all my ausis and abutis, too. My roundavel is beautiful and I have a big double bed, and electricity!! And my school is brand new, and none of the windows are broken, and it has nice desks, and I’m excited. Going there made me feel a lot better about staying here. Although, I didn’t really sleep at all there, I was so scared. I kept telling myself there are burglar bars on the door and window, and it’s ok, and nobody’s out there. There were haenous(sp?) storms every night, incredible thunder and pounding rain, and I just kept thinking that no one would hear me scream this time. But it’s ok, I’m fighting to become a rational human being again and not need to have a flashlight on next to me all night. My crank radio has a flashlight, which is nice so I don’t have to worry about batteries. Eventually I will be able to sleep I hope.
I feel like my brain is full of cotton balls, my ability to do anything is lessening with each successive night of no sleep. I think maybe I’ll reach some sort of breaking point, and hit bottom, then start to come back and sleep more and more. Who knows, though. I just keep having nightmares of hands coming out to pin me down and strangle me, or of scary men popping out of random places to beat me. My heart is always going a million miles an hour in my sleep, or at least it always is when I wake up.
I think about how it would be easy and wonderful to go back to Portland, but back in Portland it’s all the same stuff, it’s easy and convenient and rote. And I really don’t want that. Well that’s a lie. I TOTALLY want that eventually. Like in two years or so. But now I don’t want to miss out on the rest of the world. Sure Lesotho is uncomfortable and stinky and obnoxious and foreign and etc. but there are so many new things every day, so much to see. And really that’s what I want. I’ll deal with flies all over and bedbugs and 25 people in a tiny taxi that smells like “a giant man made of papa” to quote Victoria. But it will be good I think. Hopefully when I settle down at my new amazing home in my awesome town high high on the top of all the mountains (like 7400 ft. up), it will be better. (p.s. I have a view to school all views from my front step. You’re all jealous.) and soon school will start and I hope hope I will be a good teacher that cares, and will help these kids/adults who want a life that’s better than what they have.
I love you all so so much for emailing me. It means more than I could ever say in responses. And most of the time I know I haven’t been responding, but don’t stop writing because of it. I like all the little updates about your lives, so I can live vicarously through you a bit.
Things I know now, but did not before:
1. walking around a mountain village is hard and makes me feel like an old man with a broken hip and small lungs
2. in England, “fannie” means vagina, not butt
3. I wonder how many bad british porns are named after the fannie farmer cook book
4. my “rash” is not a barrier to men wanting to use me as a passport back to America.
5. The ambassador is my bro. And swimming in his pool makes me a happy happy lady
6. I continue to be unable to go a month (or a week even) without hurting myself in a stupid way. I gashed the shoot out of my thumb new years eve, it looks ucky
7. boxed wine from south Africa is really tasty.
8. it’s not very appropriate to steamroller people while wearing a shortish dress, because then there will be pictures of your underwear on the refrigerator. (for a definition of “steamroller” see the movie Strange Brew (one of the best movies ever made))
9. if you pass all of your classes but get a 49% in English, you fail that grade and have to repeat it. (Fucking lame!) (sorry but that injustice and stupidity deserves cursing)
10. Cecilia Hartman, you’re a wonderful lady. I’ve been smearing the glitter from your Christmas card on my cheeks each morning, and it makes me happy.
11. Jen’s grandma, I forgot your name, but you also rock, thanks for the Christmas card.
12. Grandma Betty, you also rock. Thank you too.
13. Glitter is like a tattoo of shining wonder.
14. I was asked to draw the design for the program for swearing in and for t-shirts for our group, I’m the artist type of the group apparently. It turned out really good, and everyone likes it.
15. This list is way off topic.
16. i have a new address, but forgot it. maybe i'll try to post it tomorrow. you can still send me stuff at teh old address and it will realize its destiny of belonging to me and will find me anywhere.
17. life is much less fulfilling without temporary tattoos and starburst.
18. The basotho don't understand high fives really, so when i get excited about something i do this sideways-raise-the-roof sort of motion of shoving my palm in their face waiting for high fives that don't come. i decided to tell them that this is what americans do when excited, and that they too should shove their palms into peoples' faces when excited.
19. My new abuti (like 9 yrs old) is a liar. he said when he saw monkeys at the zoo, his dad threw his cigarette in the cage and the monkey smoked it. maybe the monkeys here are just smarter.
20. my new friend (24 years old), who lives with my family and does the cooking laundrey etc. has AIDS, and so does the old lady next door, and my nephew-ish abuti who's like 11 years old. it's really sad, and is a good reality check for what's happening to me.
21. the cowboy version of raggedy andy lives near me. he's missing his two front teeth, has this incredibly awesome handmade patchwork cowboy outfit, dreds, a painted cowboy hat, and a mesh tank top. he's my new hero, even though i'm a little too freaked out by him to talk to him. instead i admire from afar.
22. my family has a puppy that's teething, and hurts like a mother fudging bootie when she uses my extremities as chew toys.
23. my new favorite book is titled: Pronoia: the antidote to paranoia: how the whole world is conspiring to shower you with blessings. it's this crazy guy from marin county who's on lots of drugs, but has a very definite vision of a new world and his religion is the beauty and truth laboratory. he's totally nuts, but very emphatic (and unintentionally hilarious) about his beliefs. Rob Brezny. look it up.
fins from the muff, and maybe bagels with cream cheese (toasted) love!
