the death of swine

16 may

i thought when they cut its neck, the blood would gush, like in the movies. instead, even though its head was half off, it came out in a single arced stream, like a drinking fountain, actually. the pig kept squealing and grunting even when there was nothing left to grunt from/with. when its head was off, laying in the grass, the body kept moving. it reminded me of a cat luxuriating in the sun, stretching its limbs out, reaching, or like a drugged mental patient fighting off its handlers in slow motion. or like the death throes of a pig with its head cut off. whatever. it kept moving for a whole nother minute or two with no head. it felt like 10 minutes though. i could see the trachea still opening and closing in the neck stump. i decided it was telling me its last words, which were that i should eat more mangoes so i can feed the delicious pits/skins to its children. i tried to tell it that there are no more mangoes because it's winter time, but the pig wouldn't listen to reason. headless pigs can be like that.
then they cut out its balls. there something about it they burst/get cut while the pig is being butchered than the whole animal isn't good to eat anymore. then they put its body in a big tub and dumped boiling water on it, then pulled out its hair/scraped it off with rocks. the pig's head was just lying there in the grass, looking like a halloween mask. my gut instinct to poke things with sticks kicked in, and i really wanted to prod the head. the men were all busy around there though and i didn't want to get in the way, so i refrained. ok so writing that made me regret my lack of action, so i just went back and nudged it with my toe. the nose is all squishy, adn its cheek feels like when i found my puppy and petted it, thinking it was asleep but it was really dead. a pig's neck is incredibly thick, almost thicker than its stomach. and its brains were kind of spilling out the back of its skull. i looked for the spine amidst all the bloody flesh, but i couldn't see it.
After scraping off most the hair with rocks, they busted out a package of lady bics. it was funny to see four old men meticulously shaving a giant headless pig with little pink and purple plastic razors.
The vegans/vegetarians are probably grossed out by me right now, and some meat eaters, too, but i had to watch. turning away doesn't make the thing not happen, it just means i'll know less about what actually went on. if i was an imaginative person i'd be fine with that, because i could fill in the gaps myself, but i'm not all that imaginative, really. i need facts and memories to fill in the blank spaces. and how can i learn new things,anyway, without poking them with sticks/my toe? i think meat eaters that won't participate, even passively, in killing an animal are trying to avoid responsibility for what goes on before the meat reaches their plate. i'm not really the type to flinch, anyway. i remember when i was in elementary school i wanted to be either a horse trainer, a teacher, or a neuroscientist, and my 5th grade teacher told me she could see me as a brain surgeon, and i was like, hey thanks! and then she continued "...yeah, i bet you could cut open someone's head without even flinching". i was sort of taken aback, i remember, because adults aren't usually that blunt with kids. (Also, for the record, that teacher was a petty bitch who didn't like me because i critisized her teaching methods). But hey, maybe she's right.
The hairless pig (did you know boy pigs have nipples, just like boy humans? i didn't, though it makes sense) is now going to ride with me to Maseru, where it'll be butchered. i'm kind of sad they aren't doing it here, because then i could learn how an animal is gutted. The pig's eventual destination is Johannesburg, where it, along with a sheep, some chickens, and a few buckets of joala (sorghum based moonshine) will cater the party for my m'e's youngest daughter's college graduation. (her youngest child (out of 8 total) is two years younger than the oldest grandchild, btw)
p.s. i'm eating pumpkin seeds right now and they're SO GOOD. mom i love you.